I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
