and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
