Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry caffery hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(614): View more from Ohio

That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life

Fav 93 2309 2377
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?

Fav 35 1081 3725
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

Fav 14 1287 4565
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

Fav 23 6217 1001
share tweet
(308): View more from Nebraska

Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

Fav 14 6339 1460
share tweet
(949): View more from California

I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

Fav 14 4302 1487
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself

Fav 3 1166 2176
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(304): View more from West Virginia

Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.

Fav 0 625 208
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?

Fav 0 57 52
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT