Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
