You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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