My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
