call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
