I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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