I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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