I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
