I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
