We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
