They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
