Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it because I queefed?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
