A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
