I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
