I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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