I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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