I think my vagina is haunted
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
