We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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