pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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