The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
4 words: hood of his car
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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