You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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