he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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