Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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