I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
