I think my vagina is haunted
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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