just tell him i said nine months
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
