i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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