Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
