I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i dont even know how to be here
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize