i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
