I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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