If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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