I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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