I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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