matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
