Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize