and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
