did you get engaged???
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
