were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sacagawea was the original milf.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
