Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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