Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
