i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize