Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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