ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
