I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize