My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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