yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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