o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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