they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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