a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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