I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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