Don't you send me to vm
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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