i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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