Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
