I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
