you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
