Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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